Is money an issue in your marriage? For many couples in the United States, the answer is “yes.” According to the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts (IDFA), financial problems are one of the leading causes of divorce. Money Magazine reported that around 27% of couples argue about finances at least once a month. They also noted that 29% of couples fail to reach a resolution when arguing about money, and 30% drop the argument altogether.
God designed married couples to be unified in all areas of their marriage, including their finances. Yet, money is an area where division often occurs. How do you know if money is an issue in your marriage? Here are six signs to consider:
1. Frequent, heated arguments about money.
This one is obvious. Are you and your spouse regularly engaged in heated disagreements about money? For some couples, money is such a volatile topic that any conversation touching on it can lead to explosive arguments. Budget meetings? Argument. Overspending? Argument. Being frugal? Argument. Considering debt? Argument. Paying off debt? Argument. The specific topic doesn’t matter.
For other couples, arguments may center on one issue but occur regularly. Whether volatile money topics are few or many, frequent, heated arguments about money indicate that finances are an issue in your marriage.
2. Financial infidelity.
Financial infidelity involves lying about financial matters. This could mean one spouse hiding a purchase from the other, maintaining a secret bank account or credit card, or exceeding a spending limit without telling the other spouse.
Unfortunately, financial infidelity is more common than we might like to think. According to the National Endowment for Financial Education (NEFE), 27% of Americans admit to hiding a purchase of $500 or more from their significant other. Bread Financial reported that 30% of men and 19% of women have hidden a credit card balance from their partners. A Bankrate survey found that 23% of Americans have kept a financial secret from their spouse.
This behavior is not part of God’s design for marriage and is a clear sign of money issues within the relationship.
3. Using money as a weapon.
Using money to control or punish a spouse requires immediate attention. Giving an allowance or withholding funds indicates significant marital problems. God did not intend for couples to use money to control one another but to use it for unity and the advancement of His Kingdom.
4. Separate financial goals.
Financial goals exist in all marriages, whether spoken or unspoken, because standards of living and hopes for generosity are tied to finances. At a minimum, most people have a desired standard of living, which is a financial goal.
For married couples, separate financial goals may manifest as different preferred living standards, retirement expectations, or generosity desires. When couples have differing goals, they likely make financial decisions that align more with their individual desires, pulling resources away from their spouse’s wishes. This financial tug-of-war leads to frustration and significant arguments.
5. Managing money independently.
Managing money separately has become more common today. Each spouse has their own bank accounts, debts, and credit cards. While a joint bank account might exist, it’s often just for shared bills. In this marriage, “mine” and “yours” are the possessive pronouns of choice. The finances operate less like a married couple and more like roommates.
Such a financial management system contradicts the marital oneness we see in the Bible. Individualism, autonomy, and personal freedom are not in God’s design for marriage. Instead, married couples should lay down their independence and embrace sacrifice. “Mine” and “yours” should be replaced with “ours.”
6. Avoidance of financial discussions.
The absence of financial arguments does not necessarily indicate the absence of money issues. Some couples avoid the topic of money, even though real financial problems exist. This silence only ensures that the issues remain. Often, couples who avoid discussing money either never saw their parents handle financial matters or regularly saw them argue about money and want to avoid such conflict. Silence about financial matters in marriage is not a sign of relational health but of underlying fear.
Money issues in marriage must be acknowledged and addressed. These issues often indicate deeper marital struggles. Couples with financial problems may benefit from working with a Certified Christian Financial Counselor (CERTCFC®) or a marriage counselor.
God has designed married couples to operate as one. Pursue unity in all areas of your marriage, including finances.
Editor's Note: A previous version of this article was published on Art Rainer's website. Check out more resources from Art Rainer by visiting Christian Money Solutions.
